You'd Make a Great Dread Pirate Roberts, part 1

I've been trying to reinvent myself lately.  I've been following this running program on Runner's World.com for beginning runners.  The goal is to be able to run for 30 minutes straight at the end of their 8 week program.  What's interesting is how long it's taken me to get this far.  

I first began trying to run in May of 2009.  I decided since I wasn't a morning person it made more sense for me to try to run at night, after the kids were in bed.  So, I began.  The first week wasn't any problem.  But as the second week rolled around I ran into all these obstacles...  Danny had trouble going to bed/falling asleep.  I was tired.  I had lots of things to do.  I was tired.  I was stressed.  I was tired.  Micah wanted to go on a date.  This perhaps was the most insidious temptation of them all--it was good for my marriage to not run that night... ;-)  And as the program got more difficult I began to take shortcuts.  I didn't walk on the days that I was supposed to.  I took too many days off and, instead of trying to press on, I would repeat weeks.  

Now, I'm not really sure that this was all bad.  I'd never exercised regularly before, so even this was an improvement.  And I was losing weight and feeling better about myself.  At first.  But then, as controlling my eating got more difficult, ie. Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around, I found that my lack of discipline in the exercise area made the whole prospect more difficult.  Now look at where we are in the story.  I began in May and now we are at Christmas and I have not yet finished this 8 week running program.

When I began the program again 4 weeks ago I started out at the 3 week point.  And to my surprise, here I am almost at the end of week 7 and I'm looking ahead.  If I am faithful, by next Saturday I will have fulfilled my goal.  And now I'm wondering what to do next.  I am afraid of losing momentum and of having that structure that has sustained me so far.  I started thinking about how last year I never would've imagined that I would be this close to completing my goal.  And that made me wonder-- what is my real goal?  Because if my real goal was to complete the program, why couldn't I imagine that I would be this close to doing that?  I wonder if my lack of imagination about myself has been what's been holding me back.

One of my favorite movies is The Princess Bride.  There is this little, almost throw away, conversation at the end of the movie.  After Fezzic has stolen 4 white horses from the prince's stable and Buttercup has jumped out the window with her beautiful, non-wedding dress streaming behind her and Fezzic has caught her, Inigo and Wesley pause before jumping out of the window as well.  Inigo says, "You know, I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it is over I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."  Wesley quips, "Have you ever considered piracy?  You'd made a great Dread Pirate Roberts."  I wonder if I'm just like Inigo.  Have I been so focused on what I am that I have lost sight of what I could be?  How many of us do that?  How many of us are so firmly ourselves that to change even one little thing about ourselves leaves us confused and helpless?